If you are at all familiar with Shakespeare’s ‘Macbeth’, then you will know the lines that read ‘By the pricking of my thumbs, Something wicked this way comes.’ I felt that this quotation was particularly apt for my frame of mind at the moment. You see, although the ‘wicked’ in the play is personified by Macbeth himself, my ‘wicked’ is the threat of doom looming overhead. It is the huge shadow that is blackening my current ‘mummy time’. It is the plain and simple fact that my Maternity Leave is coming to an end and this time next week I’ll be back in WORK!
I don’t think I can. Honestly.
Well actually it’s really just as simple as the fact that…. I don’t want to go back. Ever.
Why you my ask? Well, quite honestly I’m not sure why it’s causing me such distress at the moment but I do know that it’s not because I’m an ‘Earth Mother’ or something similar as I’m most definitely not (read other posts for clarification on this issue). I honestly cannot imagine anything more difficult than being at home with your baby(ies) all day EVERY DAY! No….no….no…that’s not for me. You’d have to have the patience of a Saint for that and patience, really isn’t one of my virtues. Being a stay at home mum is one of the hardest jobs in the world and I take my hat off to those that tackle it and indeed, those that relish it.
So if it’s not the fact that I want to be with my children all day, then why am I bothered about going back? Did I say ‘bothered’ in a nonchalant way? I meant to say why am I in turmoil, distress, and despair? Why do I abhor the very idea of waking up and putting on ‘work clothes’ at the start of next week?
Well to be honest it’s a number of things. Just because I’m not a helicopter mum that wants to coo over her children 24/7 doesn’t mean that I’m not going to miss the little guy’s chubby cherub cheeks and gurgling gorgeousness or the big guy’s dinosaur roars. I’m going to worry about the fact that I’ve had to ask a friend to take care of the baby for a couple of weeks and that I still have no childcare sorted after that! I’m going to hate how tired I’ll feel after a day’s ‘performing’ and about how I won’t be able to interact with my own babes as I’ll just want to get into bed. And I’m really going to worry about my ‘Baby Brain’.Oh deary me the ‘Baby Brain’! I’ll explain all in my next post – far too much to put in here! Needless to say it’s not really going to help when it comes to conversing with adults, or, just stringing a sentence together!
I am also worried about the impending stress. It’s hard enough to deal with a 5 month old and a 3 year old and not lose the plot but dealing with other children and adults…ugh. I feel the need to lie down in a darkened room already!!!
So, much like The Witches in ‘Macbeth’, I’m anticipating the dreaded inevitable and bracing myself. There is one saving grace though now that I come to think about it…………..I might lose weight!